How to Actually Connect with Creators you Admire

Stop Asking for Virtual "Coffee Chats" (Do This Instead)

Hey World 👋

Every successful person has their crew of also successful people. Taylor Swift has her girl squad. Peter McKinnon has Matti Haapoja and Kirk Lepiten. Friends was a solid group of six.

When it came to my writing, I (Becky) wanted to find my tribe.

I joined Write of Passage (an online writing course) twice. Twice, I didn’t graduate with a writing group. Everyone else seemed to have their cliques. The people I met in Zoom breakouts weren’t looking for accountability partners. And there weren’t many folks in the Asia time zone.

But I wanted those gym sessions. Hour-long writing sprints where we’d draft, brainstorm, and exchange feedback.

One of my friends told me: Start a gym session yourself. Five-week commitment. Pick a time, share the Zoom link with alumni, see who shows up.

If no one showed up? At least I’d locked in five hours of writing.

A handful joined the first session. By week three, some became regulars. My five-week experiment turned into a full year of weekly meetings. Our WhatsApp group now has 42 people. Around five show up weekly. Many more lurk and chime in.

I found my tribe by creating one.

That same approach works for connecting with other creators without feeling gross about it.

(🎨 Speaking of which: we host Creator Office Hours fortnightly-ish. They’re free Zoom sessions where you can drop in and ask creator questions. RSVP here).

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😬 Why Traditional Networking Feels Gross

The usual script: Find someone successful. Send a message asking to “pick their brain over coffee.” Extract value. Never talk again.

This feels bad because it IS bad. You’re treating connection like a transaction.

The person on the receiving end has gotten 50 messages like yours this month. Most ignore them. Some respond out of obligation. Almost none lead to real relationships.

✨ What Actually Works: The Async Conversation Method

Here’s what works:

Forget the coffee chat. Start an async conversation.

Start with appreciation, not asks

Don’t lead with a request. Tell them what you value about their work. Be specific. Reference actual work.

Not: “Your content is great!”

But: “Your newsletter about X helped me solve Y problem. The part about Z completely reframed how I approach this.”

Add value in the same message

Share a resource. Offer a perspective from your angle. Start a conversation, not make a request.

“I noticed you’re exploring X. I found Y approach surprisingly effective. Curious if you’ve tried that?”

Show up consistently

Instead of one big outreach, show up regularly in their comments and replies. Not performatively (”Great post!”), but more substantively (”This connects to X. Have you considered Y?”).

Over weeks, they start recognising your name. You become a familiar face.

Only then suggest meeting

After several async exchanges: “I’ve been thinking about [topic we discussed]. Want to jam on this sometime?”

Now it’s not a cold ask. It’s continuing an existing conversation.

💡 Why This Works

People don’t want to be networked at. They want genuine connection.

This approach proves you’re genuinely interested. You’ve invested time. You’ve added value first. You’ve respected their bandwidth.

People who just want to extract value won’t do this. It takes too long. People who want real relationships will appreciate it.

🎯 The Reality Check

When you start your outreach, most people might ignore your messages. Some people are too busy. Some get too many messages.

But the ones who do engage become real connections. You don’t need 100 contacts. You need 3-5 people you actually connect with.

🎪 Or Just Host Something

If one-on-one outreach feels hard, flip it. Host something public.

Our advice: Set up a Luma event. Pick a topic. Make it free. Invite people you want to talk to.

Now you’re offering a space for conversation, not asking for time. Way easier to say yes to.

If your invitees can’t make it? Others will show up. You’ll meet people you didn’t know existed.

That’s how Bhav and I started office hours.

🌱 But I’m Nobody

“This works if people know your work. What if I’m starting from zero?”

Two things:

👉 Start creating in public. Even 10 pieces of content creates a presence. People can see you’re serious. You’re doing the thing.

👉 Focus on peers, not heroes. Don’t only reach out to people 10 levels ahead. They’re drowning in messages. Reach out to people at similar stages. People with 100 followers, not 100K. They have bandwidth. They’ll become real friends.

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🧭 Your Next Step

Pick one creator whose work makes you think differently. Send them a message appreciating something specific they made. Add one insight or resource they might find valuable.

Then do nothing. Let them respond or not.

Repeat with a few people over the next month. That’s networking without being gross.

Want help crafting that first message? Hit reply and share what you’re thinking. Maybe we’ll have someone in mind.

Becky & Bhav x

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🎙️ ICYMI - here’s our latest episode of the Small Creator Big World podcast, where we talk about how we tried building a creator community 👇

💼 Want to work with us? Book a call with Becky | Bhav

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